I was only a couple months out of a serious, long-term relationship which had ended well, but left me wondering what else was out there. I quickly found out that apparently a lot of people must have been waiting for my girlfriend and I to split ways, because everybody and their mom was trying to get with me! I was always a pretty outgoing, nice guy who did ok with women, but never really had to beat them off with a stick or anything, ya know? I didn’t understand it at all, but I didn’t complain! I guess I must have been sending off some crazy kind of sex vibe or something, ’cause I seriously got mo’ lovin’ in those 3 months after my break-up than I had my entire life (in fact, I more than tripled the amount of women I had previously made sweet, sweet love to during that time). So, it was all good to say the least. I pretty much have like 3 or 4 crazy hook-up stories during this period (one which included “random runnergirl sex on the bike path”,  and another that included hooking up wih a girl at work), but I decided to share the craziest of them all:

 My buddy and I pre-drank at my apartment on a Friday before heading to the bar to meet up with some of his friends from school. I eventually left my apartment 4 or 5 beers deep (medium buzzed for me) and we headed for the bar. We arrived at 11:00 or so, and as soon as I get in the door, my buddy and his friends make me do 4 shots (you know, to get things kicked off right). Then I precede to drink what I can remember as somewhere between 8 to 10 drinks that night at the bar.

After about a hour of bullshitting with my buddy, his buddies, and meeting everyone, I locked eyes with what I can only describe as one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life (in retrospect, she was probably just kind of cute, but I had severe beer goggles on at the time). She had on this really sexy, pretty loose skirt with a matching blouse. She was just the right amount of curvy, in-shape as well, and looked like Natalie Portman (my dream girl) in the face (at least at the time haha). We begun talking, and quickly begun to realize we had an incredible amount in common. I was monumentally attracted to her, and I could tell she liked me too. We probably talked from 12:00 until 1:30 or so when the bar had just called last call. We had consumed a lot of alcohol during this period, and I actually had to pee like you wouldn’t believe, but I held it in, because I didn’t want to stop talking to this angel of a girl.

I was super excited, because all the girls I had hooked up with after my break-up (until now) were just one-night-stands, and I was thinking this girl could be my future baby’s momma, ya feel me? Ok, so eventually the bar was closing, and I told her that I really had to use the bathroom, but I would be right back (I wanted to make sure I got her number). The bar we were at is in a certain very popular neighborhood where a very popular baseball team plays, and right by a certain Brown-line stop, so the line for the bathrooms was crazy long. Since I had been holding my bladder for about an hour and a half (up until the point where I was going to pee my jeans), I really couldn’t wait in a crazy, long line for the bathroom. I had to pee, and I had to pee now! So, I saw that there was an exit door on the side of the building (which said “do not enter,” because it was a loading zone that went out into the side alley). I burst through the doors, looked around, positioned myself in a corner of a brick wall and a dumpster, and finally started to relieve myself.

Back in the bar, I guess my ladyfriend saw me leave out of the side exit, and thought I was leaving the bar for good. Since she also definitely wanted to see me at least one more time (probably also to get my number), she followed me shortly out the side door. She must have been hammered and ready to get it on, because she came up to me, put her arms around my waist, and starting to lovingly caress me (from the back). Meanwhile, from my point of view, I was very shocked to say the least when I felt someone holding me from the back, especially because I was still relieving myself when she was doing this (with my pants down of course). Being a martial artist, my instinct was to grab this person’s (I didn’t know it was her at first) hand, twist it, and throw this person to protect myself. I began to grab her hand, and I immediately remembered it felt just my ladyfriend’s hand from inside the bar (we had touched hands a few times during an intense flirting session inside), so I turned around (after finishing relieving myself and still with my pants down), and to my great suprise, saw my beautiful ladyfriend.

She threw herself on me, and we instantly began to make out hardcore. I turned us around (with her in my arms and her legs wrapped around mine), lifted up her skirt, removed her thong, and we were doing it up against the corner of the brick wall and the dumpster. I couldn’t believe this was happening, but it was so animalistic, it was incredible! We were getting it on for probably 5 to 10 minutes when I hear a siren from the entrance of the alley (to the North), and then realized for whatever reason the police had seen us doing it in the alley, and were probably going to come after (and possibly arrest) us. The alley, thank goodness, was too narrow for the police car to fit through, so that bought us some time. I dropped her, and we both ran, me attempting to hold my undone pants up, and her pulling her skirt down. We ran out the opposite entrance of the alley (to the South), and then across the street. There were tons of people on the street (because this was right at the time when bars were closing), so we were quite a spectacle. Eventually she and I split up so the police would have a harder time catching us. I am a marathon runner, so I ran like the wind to a bar about a half mile away as fast I could, fixed myself up, called my buddy who had invited me, and had him come pick me up. I didn’t have her number at the time, so I couldn’t call to see if she was alright. My buddy also didn’t have her number at the time, so we looked for her and his other friends from earlier, but couldn’t find them. Eventually, to make sure I was safe from the police, I called it a night and went home.

When waking up (hungover as shit), I couldn’t believe what had happened the previous night. I initially thought it was a dream, but realized it had actually happened when my ladyfriend from the previous called me. We talked about how much fun and how crazy the previous night had been. It was clear we both still really like each other. We ended up dating for a week, until she had to be relocated for business in California. I don’t talk to her that often anymore, but we are still friends. Of course, it’s too bad she had to move, but at least I was left with a great story to tell!

-Steve