I was looking for a new hair salon, something nearby, when I found a cute little hair salon owned by a man from Italy. I thought I would support my heritage and give it a shot. The owner did a fantastic job with my haircut, and after telling me that my beautiful eyes would pop with a lighter chestnut shade, I found myself making another appointment for a hair color. Much to my surprise since the salon is in Boystown, I figured out that he wasn’t gay in the middle of my second appointment. By the time I left the salon he had asked me out to practice speaking Italian together (I was taking lessons) and I was sent off with a kiss on the lips.  

When we met up, we had to stay near the salon because there was a photo shoot his stylist was supervising involving a model with a Hershey kiss-shaped black wig, two dogs, a Vespa, and a huge drumset being played by a lookalike Elvis. It was walking into the circus, and of course I loved it. We started talking over a glass of wine next door, but he had to go back to the salon to close up. He suggested that I go with him. 

The next thing I knew he was kissing me in the middle of a dark hair salon next to the hair washing station. It was totally surreal. Then he started getting a bit strange on me – he moved his lips back and forth across mine like he was motorboating my face, all while trying to knead my rear end off with his hands. I kept moving his hands to my waist, but he was determined. Then I noticed he was humping me as I stood there, frozen. So there I was, being rattled from top to (literally) bottom, and I was completely overwhelmed. Even in my stone cold sobriety I didn’t know how to react. I was so shocked, we had only been out for an hour! 

He called again, but I didn’t bother answering. I don’t need to be some greasy Italian hairdresser’s humping pole. Now I am not only on the market for a date, I am looking for a new hairdresser. Any suggestions anyone?